Some people think that the apex of intimacy requires an absolute
lack of boundaries, secrets, or ambiguity. Though honesty is generally a
good thing in any kind of relationship, there are still some things you
should never tell your partner, no matter how close you are. There are
just certain aspects of your life that are best left to your partner’s
imagination. For instance, from the early days of my husband’s and my
relationship, we wanted to keep an air of mystery about the things that
happen in the bathroom. All we had to do was shout that word and the
other person knew that door should remain closed.
1″We’re Not Like We Used To Be.”
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If you’ve been in a relationship for an extended period of time, it’s
normal to be nostalgic for the early, honeymoon days. But, as clinical
psychology professor Dr. Alexandra Solomon told Psychology Today, the
problem with lamenting that things aren’t like they used to be is that
it’s, “fighting against the reality that love changes over time.” This
isn’t to say you can’t miss the good old days. Rather than focusing on
the negative, you could simply make plans to do the kinds of activities
that you used to do instead.
2″You Complete Me.”
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2″You Complete Me.”
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Yes, I’m riffing on a scene from Jerry Macguire, but the point is valid
nonetheless. As relationship therapist David James Lees told
Cosmopolitan, you may mean well when you say this, but it, “creates an
energetic imbalance in the relationship as it elevates your partner to a
higher or more dominant status.” A healthier way to express this
feeling is to compliment your partner by highlighting how well you work
together as a team.
3An Insult Disguised As A Joke
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3An Insult Disguised As A Joke
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Sarcasm can take many forms, and there’s a fine line between comedy and
tragedy. As relationship expert and psychologist Antonia Hall told
Reader’s Digest, “sarcastic comments that put your partner down will
erode the relationship and are likely to leave your partner feeling
frustrated.” No matter how close you are with your partner, what you may
think is a joke can feel like a dig to your SO.
4″You’ve Put On Some Weight.”
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4″You’ve Put On Some Weight.”
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Once you’ve been with someone for a while, it’s easy to slip into a
comfort zone where you no longer use a filter. Dating coach Robyn
Wahlgast told HuffPost that any form of body shaming is destructive in a
relationship. Even if you just want your partner to be healthy, putting
it in such harsh terms is more likely to make the situation worse than
better.
5Every Single Detail
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5Every Single Detail
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It turns out that there really is such a thing as TMI. As
psychotherapist Dr. Robi Ludwig told Alloy, being open is great, but,
“that doesn’t mean they need to be honest to the point where it causes
more harm than good to their partner.” Consider if what you’re about to
tell your significant other helps or hinders things.
6″I Don’t Care.”
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6″I Don’t Care.”
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Again, intention and tone have a lot to do with what you say and you say
it. As psychology professor Dr. John Gottman told Psych Central,
saying, “I don’t care” implies a lack of interest both in them and your
relationship. Showing attention daily, even if it’s something small, is
better than blowing your SO off with an IDC response.
7″That’s Crazy.”
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7″That’s Crazy.”
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Not only is the word crazy problematic for mental health reasons, but it
can be a slow burning destructive force in your partnership, too. “This
sends the message that your partner’s perspective isn’t valid,”
clinical psychologist Dr. Susan Heitler told Prevention. Dismissing your
significant other’s feelings, ideas, or problems by telling them it’s
ridiculous is akin to implying you refuse to legitimize them.
8″It’s Fine.”
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8″It’s Fine.”
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Sometimes things may truly be fine, but this phrase can be a bit of a
minefield between partners regardless of how close you are. As
relationship expert Anita Chipala told Redbook, “using ‘fine’ can leave
things unresolved and breed resentment.” If the issue bothers you but
you simply don’t want to address it at the moment, then tell them that
instead of saying, “It’s fine.”
9″Because I Said So.”
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9″Because I Said So.”
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This is a statement best left to parents and their children, not equal
partners in a relationship. As human behavior expert Dr. Gail Gross told
HuffPost, the phrase “trivializes your spouse and reduces [them] to a
juvenile status.” Why is this so detrimental and something you should
never tell your partner? Gross explained that it makes your loved one
feel inferior. Take the few extra seconds to explain your reasoning
rather than resorting to this demeaning saying.
10″You’re Being Just Like…”
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10″You’re Being Just Like…”
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In the heat of the moment, it’s particularly easy to lose your cool and
make some hurtful comments. But comparing your partner to someone in a
negative way only adds more fuel to the fire, as Solomon told Psychology
Today. As tempting as it may be to tell your SO that they’re acting
just like their mother, for example, press pause and collect your
thoughts before you say something you’ll regret.
11″Don’t Guilt Trip Me.”
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11″Don’t Guilt Trip Me.”
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When you and your significant other have a difference of opinion, things
can get a bit muddled. But, you should never play the blame game with
guilt, as Lees told Cosmopolitan. Lees further explained that, “you are
the creator of your feelings, so you’ll only experience uncomfortable
feelings of guilt if you actually believe you’re in the wrong.” Dig deep
to address why these emotions are hitting you rather than telling your
partner they’re responsible for them.
12Any Kind Of Gaslighting
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12Any Kind Of Gaslighting
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According to the official site of Merriam-Webster Dictionary,
gaslighting is when you make a person doubt their memories or
perceptions. Even in more subtle or unintentional forms — like saying,
“you’re overreacting,” or “you’re being too sensitive,” for instance —
gaslighting your partner is toxic in a relationship, as Stacey Laura
Lloyd told Reader’s Digest. So think twice before you tell someone else
how to react about something.
13″I’ll Do Anything.”
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13″I’ll Do Anything.”
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I’m certainly guilty of being a people-pleaser and caring too much about
what others think, but conforming to someone else’s standards is a
slippery slope. As psychologist Dr. Patricia A. O’Gorman told Redbook,
“you will not like yourself more if there is less of you — and neither
will they.” No matter how in love or close you are, you shouldn’t lose
your identity in the partnership.
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