Finding out that your partner has been unfaithful can hit you like a ton of bricks.Your marriage may be thrown into a state of crisis that maydestroy it.
is natural to want to know why your partner cheated, but there is
rarely a simple answer to why someone becomes unfaithful. It could be a
symptom of other problems in your marriage, it could relate to something
in your partner’s past, or it could be totally unrelated to you or to
your marriage. No matter the cause, you’ll have a lot of complicated
feelings to sort through, and a lot to think about as you decide how to
move forward. These eight tips can help you cope with the aftermath of
betrayal: Accept Your Feelings
Shock, agitation, fear, pain, depression, and confusion are normal. You
will likely feel like you’re on an emotional rollercoaster for a while.
It takes time to get beyond the pain of having an unfaithful mate. Don’t
expect the mixture of feelings and the mistrust to go away even if
you’re trying to forgive your partner and repair your marriage. Your
marriage has changed and it is natural to grieve the relationship you
Don’t Seek Revenge Being betrayed by your partner can induce rage. In
your furious state, your first instinct may be to punish your mate by
trash-talking him to friends (or worse, on social media), or think about
having an affair yourself to get even. You may get a temporary sense of
satisfaction from these sorts of actions, but ultimately they can work
against you, keeping you in a state of anger instead of focusing on
healing and moving on, alone or together
Think before you tell your family, as well. They will likely have strong
opinions about what you should do—leave or stay. But nobody else really
understands what goes on in another person’s marriage. While you are
pondering how you’re going to proceed, it’s best to keep the details
Try to Take Care of Yourself You may have some physical reactions due
to stress such as nausea, diarrhea, sleep problems (too little or too
much), shakiness, difficulty concentrating, not wanting to eat, or
overeating. Once the initial shock has passed, try your best to eat
healthy foods, to stay on a schedule, to sleep regular hours, to get
some exercise each day, to drink plenty of water, and, yes, to have some
Avoid the Blame Game Blaming yourself, your partner, or the third
party won’t change anything and it’s just wasted energy. Try not to play
the victim, either, if you can help it, or wallow in self-pity. It will
only make you feel more helpless and bad about yourself.
Keep Your Kids Out of It This situation is between you and your
partner and should not involve your children at all. Unless you and your
spouse have decided to end your marriage, sharing details about an
affair will only cause them anxiety, make them feel stuck in the middle,
and forced to take sides.
Seek Counseling Don’t try to get through coping with unfaithfulness
alone. Before you make any decisions about whether or not to end your
marriage, it’s wise to talk to a couple’s counselor, who will be neutral
and can help you gain insight into what exactly happened. You can ask
your partner questions and share your feelings without losing your cool.
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experienced therapist can help you communicate better and process
feelings of guilt, shame, and whatever else you might be feeling. If you
decide to end the marriage, you ‘ll know that you tried your best to
make it work.
Get Practical If you suspect that the affair will most likely lead to
the end of your marriage, give some thought to practical matters, such
as where you will live, if you have enough money to pay for your
essentials, and, if you have kids, the type of custody arrangement you
want. You may also want to consider asking your partner to be tested for
STDs, and to get yourself tested as well if you have had sex during or
after the affair.
Take It One Day at a Time Infidelity is one of the more difficult
challenges a marriage can face, but it doesn’t always mean it’s the end.
As you work through the aftermath over time, it will become clear how
to go forward so that the next phase of your life, together or apart,