“So let me tell you about my trifling aunt’s husband who is acting out because the consequences of his actions are closing in on him, and in true Nigerian man fashion, is causing him to act in over dramatic ways, claiming to be disrespected when he provided so many reasons to be.
My sweet Auntie J, mother of 6, married to her husband of over 25 years lived in a nice beautiful home in Houston.
She is a nurse and he is an engineer and in 2012, the start of this sordid tale,
all their kids aside from the youngest were in college.
The year 2012 is significant to this story, because this year unlike all the previous ones where my uncle would bundle up his entire family to visit Nigeria in Christmas, this year was the one he wanted to go alone, a surprise to my Aunt, and a source of joy to his kids, who were
Hoping for just one year to have an American Christmas.
My aunt was troubled at the idea of her husband spending christmas alone, but also didn’t mind spending it with the rest of her family in Houston.
Christmas day arrives, they call Uncle on the phone, and pray together.
He tells them he will be back mid January.
Mid january rolls by, Uncle still isn’t home.
End of January, Mid february, End of february. My Aunt is so confused, what about his job? He tells her it’s all sorted and he is building a church in his village.
She doesn’t want to push
So she tells her kids what he said. Mid march, end of march, April arrives. Uncle is still not home. And now, he refuses to answer my aunt’s questions about why he isn’t coming home, and it becomes a reason why he doesn’t pick up her calls anymore, telling her, she is
Disrespecting him as a husband, by questioning the choices he is making to serve his family at home.
His youngest child graduates from high school, he doesn’t make it home for it.
My aunt who always contributed to the finances in their home, is now responsible for 100% of it.
She takes more shifts to support her family.
After 6 months of absence and infrequent phone calls, my uncle’s relatives in Nigeria, call my aunt to let her know that he is married to someone else, their wedding was in December, and his new wife is pregnant. And she is 18.
They didn’t know how to tell her and finally bolstered up the courage to do so.
Chile…the indignity, the despair, the disregard, the disrespect.
My aunt went into such a depression, that her youngest who just graduated from high school, had to take a year off. She deffered
Her admission to college, to help drive her mother to work everyday, because her mom stopped being able to drive herself.
They moved to a much smaller home because my aunt couldn’t work at the same pace anymore to sustain their previous lifestyle because of her depression.
She was lifeless, and it terrified everyone. She became so much more clingy, imploring her children to come home every break/weekend they had free from college. Also the reason why she could justify her daughter deferring her college admission to remain home with her and drive
Her to work. A justification my aunt who upheld education like so many Nigerian parents, would previously have never done.
My aunt refused to take any calls from her husband.
He talked to everyone else though. It was his belief that as a man, he was allowed to marry more than
One woman. He believed my aunt was being stubborn for not being accepting of his second wife.
He told his children that he expected them to be welcoming to their new sibling who had now been born.
He planned to remain in Nigeria and visit them from time to time.
After 2 rough years my aunt fully adjusted to his absence and so did their kids.
Their oldest son got married in 2015 and he was absent from the wedding even though he was invited. My aunt did not want him there, but after her son pushed for it, she accepted and he didn’t come
No one on that list was invited.
The family at that point moved on like he wasn’t alive.
My aunt got her grove back and began travelling, alone, with friends, with her daughters.
Her children, all doing well
Buy her plane tickets, take her on cruises, take her to concerts, my aunt is living her best life, and looking great, her spirit is so young and shiny now, like it never was even when she was living with her husband.
My aunt is now ready to make the divorce final.
Her oldest daughter is getting married next month, and has asked that her father not be invited to the wedding.
Her brother will be walking her down the aisle.
My uncle, who again declined coming for the wedding, despite this time not even being invited, has been threatening
His son, for agreeing to walk his sister down the aisle. Leaving angry voicemails on all his children’s phones.
“I am still alive! What type of disrespect is this, I will curse you if you dare walk your sister down the aisle, WHEN I AM STILL ALIVE!”
It has become such a
Crazy situation that it is disrupting the wedding.
He is calling all relatives to tell them how wicked my Aunt is for letting their son disrespect him, by acting like he is dead.
My mom decided to intervene by calling him to calm him down (and the reason I know this story)
mother why he was mad.
“I am so embarrased to have a wife that is so shameless! Have you seen all the cruises and traveling she does? She is a mother of 6, and she is travelling to places like this? She is a prostitute!!”
“And she wants to divorce me now, infact I will give that divorce to her because I am ashamed of her conduct”.
A 70 years old man, “married” to a now 24 years old woman with two children who are not older than 6, has this much to say about the woman he abandoned.
Selfishness is present in men in astronomical levels, mostly because society tells men the world belongs to them.
They are allowed to do what they want, whenever they want, and expect to be forgiven and you to be understanding of it.
It creates an inability to be self aware.
“The horrible thing I am doing cannot be wrong, because I am allowed to do it, but the nothing you are doing, is extremely wrong, because you are not allowed to do anything”
The closest thing I can relate to that type of logic is how the police interacts with minorities.
They perceive themselves as superior to you and so, make allowances for the wrong they do, because in their handbook, they are allowed to get away with it.
You on the other hand, doing nothing, mimicking what they do or fighting back will get you arrested and even worse, killed.
If you think that police philosophy is illogical, then you should be aware that it mirrors male logic in it’s lack of self awareness and accountability.”