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We live in a fairly progressive world, where women have been standing almost shoulder-to-shoulder with their male counterparts in matters of education, career and domestic matters but when it comes to initiating s3x, women are still stuck in the dark ages they always wait for their man to lead in the bedroom and the reasons can be mind-boggling and frustrating.
Below are some of the reasons, the women I spoke to, shy away from making the first move in bed.

Social conditioning: “The society doesn’t view women as sexual beings with any kind of carnal desire, that distinction belongs to men alone; generation after generation, women have been brought up to believe that they are passive pawns in the mating game and that men are supposed to be the pursuers, the best they can do is look coy and pretty and feign a mild protest when their spouses or partners ask for s3x and that’s how it’s been done for centuries and nothing has changed”.
Fear of rejection: “Nobody is immune to the pathological fear of rejection; as women, the sting hurts twice as much because firstly, social conditioning discourages us from pursuing men and secondly, the rejection hurts women more because, being women, part of women’s identity rests on their s3xual desirability, that’s just how the patriarchal society conditioned women and s3xual rejection makes women question their very self-worth”.
Fear of coming across as ‘loose’: “The idea of the s3xually liberated, “forward” woman is still a difficult concept for men to stomach, irrespective of how liberal they come across; men are as big a victim of patriarchy as women are, as much as they are tickled by the idea of a s3xually-charged, unapologetic woman, they are intimidated by the prospects of actually dating or marrying one, which is probably one of the reasons why the society upholds the virtue of s3xual chastity in a woman.
There’s no emotional connection: “Unlike women in porn, real women are not in a perpetually randy state of mind and for a woman to initiate s3x, men need to do some heavy lifting; are you making her feel wanted, is all the dirty talking making her feel like a sex object?are you even establishing an emotional connection with her before you expect s3x from her?and by emotional connection, we don’t mean proposing marriage but a woman has to feel valued and respected before she makes any kind of moves towards you in bed”.
Women desire s3x differently: “Women experience s3xual desire in a manner different from men; for men, the desire is based on a response to something they see or feel that immediately turns them on and it could be an erotic visual or something that they associate with s3x but desire doesn’t escalate so quickly in women; it is built up slowly and deliberately, unlike men, most women tend to take it slow and play it safe till they think its the right moment for them to initiate s3x”.
Women don’t have enough testosterone: “Testosterone, the male hormone, is what makes men more aggressive than women, the more testosterone you have, the more s3xually charged you are which makes men more forthcoming about their s3xual desires than women because they feel it that intensely; this is not to say that women have no desire at all it is just that the lack of testosterone stops women from being overly aggressive and more forthcoming about s3x; always rememebr that women need a reason to have sex; men need a place”.

Just simply not in the mood: “Sometimes the reason is purely biological, women undergo a lot of hormonal fluctuations throughout the month on account of the menstrual cycle; during PMS, s3x is often the last thing on a woman’s mind and a lot of other external factors can influence women’s mood irrespective of her hormones, a bad day at work or fight with a friend is good enough to put you off s3x”




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