1. I am prideful and selfish. I didn’t realize this about myself at the time, but I went into marriage expecting to be treated like a princess. I felt hurt, angry and let down when my husband would have a cranky attitude or wouldn’t read my mind about doing the dishes. I thought, if he loved me, he would know to do ____ or say ____. I viewed his lack of taking me on dates as a lack of love and interest. I became jealous of the time he spent with friends. Instead of believing the best in my spouse, I made everything about me. omething beautiful happened when I shifted from asking God to change my husband to asking God to change me. Not only did I grow in my understanding of what it looks like to serve and obey Christ, but I also had a better attitude when it came to serving my husband (regardless of whether or not I felt served back).
2. Your spouse should not and cannot be your source of happiness and identity. As a newlywed, I often took it personally when my husband would come home from work and want alone time instead of time together, or if he was in a bad mood, or if he didn’t want to do something that I wanted to do. I thought, he must not be happy with ME. He must not want to do things with ME. I wondered that if I was prettier, or a better cook, or knew more about sports, maybe then I would be “the perfect wife.” I would thrive under his compliments and tender love, but I would easily deflate if he didn’t notice a new top or forgot to thank me for making dinner. I wish I could say it didn’t take long for me to change my way of thinking, but it wasn’t until around year three or four of our marriage that it hit me — if I based my happiness on the words and actions of an imperfect person, I would always be disappointed! I love these words from author and speaker Lysa TerKeurst:
4. Marriage takes work, but the work yields rewards! Married couples often seem to either describe marriage as being the most fun ever or being a lot of work. Thinking of marriage as work sounds bad, as though something about the relationship must be going wrong. Yet consider this: do you put effort into your friendships? Do you try to celebrate your friend when she gets a promotion or show extra grace to a friend when you know she’s going through a hard time? Do you ever feel frustrated or let down by a friend, but you choose to not give up on them? It’s the same way with marriage.